seasons of change

it’s never too late to change your life” – Jillian Michaels. that quote especially resonates with me right now for a multitude of reasons. I am used to changing myself. I’ve lived in three states and two countries, I cut six inches of my hair off tonight, and impulsively decided on a education change for graduate school (which wound up being the second best decision of my life, to date). I’m realizing that I’m growing up. it feels incredible, and it feels scary. foreign. I’ve always prided myself as being independent, but now I’m realizing how much I yearn for people to depend on.

let life happen. I’ve been repeating this to myself recently. I always foresaw myself becoming a therapist. and thus I applied for my PsyD at six different schools, the same six my then boyfriend of 4 years applied to. I was rejected from every school and had already taken a year off, and was miffed on what to do. the University of Denver requested that I apply to one of their Master’s programs, free of charge. I was saddened by the original rejection, but agreed to apply to a program. I found International Disaster Psychology (the only program in the nation) which perfectly combined my love of humanitarianism, traveling, and psychology. long story short, I applied, flew to Denver to interview, and was accepted in the span of 10 days. my then boyfriend was accepted to every school of those six, except for the University of Denver. he promptly broke up with me as soon as I moved to Denver. letting life happen? exactly.

I am at a point in my life where I want to be satisfied with what I have and where I am, and stop trying to change everything. However, there is so much I have left to see, experience, feel, breathe, and I will not settle for a life unlived. It’s difficult to gauge when a life has been lived. I have life aspirations, including traveling throughout every continent, paying off my student loans, find a career where I can live comfortably and feel needed, get married, have babies, and live every day with joy. I do not feel as if this is too much to expect from myself, but I do not want to be disappointed if I wind up going down a different path. This is my life, my one life, and I am absolutely ready to continue living.


4 thoughts on “seasons of change

  1. Jacob

    Well said, kid. I agree with you on a lot of it. I suppose you’re a step ahead of me, but I feel like not long after law school I’d like to actually be able to settle down a bit — except I don’t want to settle down at all. It’s weird, huh? But that last line is the telling one — if this is it, we better make sure we enjoy it as much as we can.

  2. turnthisway Post author

    kid. you do realize I’m almost 2 years older than you! but thank you. I appreciate the similarities.

    1. Jacob

      I call everyone kid. Or at least I call people kid sometimes. Basically, whenever I feel like calling someone kid, I do. It’s less often then I’d like to think. Besides, two years, schmoo (sp?) years :)

      And I know the feeling about letting life happen too, though maybe not to the extent that you do. I was planning on taking a year off of school, working at a certain social networking site that a couple of friends have worked at, and then going to graduate school for political science. I went in, had a great interview, and basically got offered the job on the spot. And then (and by “and then” I mean, quite literally, hours after my interview) the company instituted a hiring freeze and I never got an official offer. Not long after I got an acceptance to Chapman and basically figured, “Why not?” And to be honest, I love it there. My parents want me to transfer (and I do to a degree), but I actually love it there and I’m glad I didn’t get the job that summer.

  3. T&T

    It’s difficult to gauge when a life has been lived. <— love this line. I think we shall find out though – probably when we are old and gray… and still chatting on the internets ;)


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